Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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