you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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