Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
