Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
