it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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