Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize