It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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