Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
