DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
