My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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