well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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