im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
