I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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