my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The air was thick with penises
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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