Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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