My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
