I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's rum buckets o'clock
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
