i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
