I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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