I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
