Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
