Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize