Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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