At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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