Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
