Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
