i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
