Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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