I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
