I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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