wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
