I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
