This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
