your thong is hanging out like whoa
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
