My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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