i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize