He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
