You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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