U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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