I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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