I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
