I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
