So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can I color on your dick again?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think my moral compass just broke
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