You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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