I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
