all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
