I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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