And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
