Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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