If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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