ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
