All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am midnight drunk by noon
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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