i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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