There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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