Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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