the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
