I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize