We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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