Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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