I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
