Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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