btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
