pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You made out with two different species that night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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