My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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