at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
