Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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