I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
